


the hama fama jama squad

by buckymyson (trashfinity)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: #SorryNotSorry, Also fluff, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Multi, Texting, i just had to okay dont judge me, idfk what this is, its one of those fics, its sin and bullshit, memerific
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7313176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashfinity/pseuds/buckymyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>devilica: mom tell alex to get a job<br/>bestofwives: alexander hamilton jr get a job already<br/>bestofwives: i’m not paying your tuition next year<br/>poetboy: the mother has spoken</p><p>or: another chat fic with everyone's favorite Hamiltons (and friends)</p>
            </blockquote>





	the hama fama jama squad

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Les Amemes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261430) by [Enjollrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enjollrass/pseuds/Enjollrass). 



> im sorry
> 
>  
> 
> people/usernames/ages:
> 
> Philip - poetboy - 23  
> Theo - theooo - 22  
> Angie - Devilica - 21  
> Alex Jr - alabamahammerman/memerific - 19  
> James - Jamemes - 17  
> Alexander - adotham - 50  
> Eliza - bestofwives - 48  
> William Mulligan - will.i.amulligan - 27  
> Georges Washington Louis Gilbert du Motier - washingturntjr - 26  
> Marie Antoinette Virginie “Ginny” du Motier - notaweasley- 23  
> Anastasie Louise Pauline “Ana” du Motier - ananymous - 28  
> Frances - americas - 28
> 
> this will have very sporadic updates and no actual plot but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**_poetboy_ ** _ has created the group  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**_poetboy_ ** _ has added _ **_devilica, alabamahammerman, jamemes, adotham, bestofwives,_ ** _ and  _ **_theooo_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**devilica:** no offense theo cuz i love you but why are you in this

**theooo:** idk philip added me an im too lazy to leave

**adotham:** the question is why am I here

**theooo:** why are any of us here?

**poetboy:** cuz this is the family groupchat and youre part of the family???

**jamemes:** if this is for the fam why is theo here?

**jamemes:** love you theo but i dont recall having a third sister

**jamemes:** unless mom and dad have somethign to say

**alabamahammerman:** please dont tell me we have another sister

**alabamahammerman:** i can barely handle angie

**alabamahammerman:** dont get me started on the terror that is lil Liza

**devilica:** right here

**theooo:** seriously though why am i here???

**poetboy:** do you not remember last night???

**theooo:** i was shitfaced and i only remember good things when i’m drunk

**poetboy:** …

**alabamahammerman:** tag urself im theo

**devilica:** tag urself im theo implying that phil is bad in bed

**jamemes:** tag urself im philip’s sad puppy face that hes making rn

**adotham:** what is going on here?

**poetboy:** has nobody checked facebook since last night???

**devilica:** who the fuck uses facebook anymore?

**adotham:** I use facebook

**devilica:** my point

**bestofwives:** language Angelica

**jamemes:** yeah angie watch your fucking mouth

**alabamahammerman:** james you shouldnt be saying anything do you even know what fuck means you fucking virgin

**bestofwives:** can we all just stop swearing?

**adotham:** why the fuck am i here?

**bestofwives:** ALEX

**alabamahammerman:** yes?

**devilica:** not you you asswipe

**alabamahammerman:** wow angie youre so sweet im so lucky to have you as a sister

**devilica:** wow sarcasm my greatest weakness

 

**_alabamahammerman_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**devilica:** thougtt hed never leave

**jamemes:** good riddance

**jamemes:** ah shit no if he leaves hes gonna mope with his girlfriend and shes gonna give him pity sex and i wont be allowed in my room

**jamemes:** i dont care how much we hate aj were adding him in so my room can be a sex free zone

 

**_jamemes_ ** _ has added  _ **_alabamahammerman_ ** _ to the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**alabamahammerman:** miss me already?

**jamemes:** nah i just dont want my room to stink of sex

**alabamahammerman:** *our room

**bestofwives:** it’ll be my new office if you both don’t stop fighting about it

**theooo:** but seriously why is this even a thing????

**theooo:** oh shit wait

**theooo:** i think i know

**devilica:** did you force urself to forget the devil baby in your womb

**poetboy:** thats rich coming from the devil herself

**poetboy:** and theo’s not pregnant

**poetboy:** i hope

**theooo:** nah

**theooo:** there shall be no baby exiting my womb in the forseeable future

**theooo:** and i was super drunk last night no baby will survive in my womb right now

**poetboy:** *foreseeable

**theooo:** oh fuck off you know what i meant

**devilica:** wait so why are you in this chat???

**theooo:** _ sent the image  _ **lookatthisfuckingboulder.jpeg**

**devilica:** is that what i think this is

**poetboy:** if you think it means i have enough money to buy you a new phone you are wrong because i am now broke

**poetboy:** no seriously im so broke im marrying theo for her money

**jamemes:** ah true love

**devilica:** is overrated i dont need a boyfriend i need to smash the patriarchy am i right

**alabamahammerman:** wait does this mean phil is moving out

**alabamahammerman:** I CALL HIS ROOM ITS MINE BITCHES

**alabamahammerman:** also i am planning the bachelor party i have called it it is mine

**poetboy:** thats the best man’s job

**alabamahammerman:** exactly

**poetboy:** you are not the best man

**poetboy:** will is

**jamemes:** wait like will mulligan or our brother the seven year old???

**poetboy:** yes i’m going to choose our 7 year old brother over my best friend that i’ve known for twenty-one years

**alabamahammerman:** but you’ve known me for 21 years too

**poetboy:** you can still plan the bachelor party i guess

**poetboy:** but no strippers

**alabamahammerman:** damn liza has a bunch of stripper friends too

**adotham:** do I want to know why your girlfriend has a bunch of stripper friends?

**jamemes:** i have heard this before and no you do not

**jamemes:** but if youre still curious basically alex is a slut 

**theooo:** like father like son

**bestofwives:** I would argue that alexander isn’t a slut but he had a tomcat named after him so it would be a moot point

**adotham:** betsey we talked about this

**bestofwives:** also he did cheat on me

**bestofwives:** so theres that too

**theooo:** im just gonna 

**theooo:** leave now

 

**_theoo_ ** _ has left the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**jamemes:** yeah im out have fun dying dad

 

**_jamemes_ ** _ has left the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**devilica:** bye

 

**_devilica_ ** _ has left the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**alabamahammerman:** i kinda wanna see this

 

**_poetboy_ ** _ has kicked  _ **_alabamahammerman_ ** _ out of the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**_poetboy_ ** _ has left the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**adotham:** sorry Betsey, I love you, but I have important work to do so I’ll see you tonight for supper!

 

**_adotham_ ** _ has left the chat  _ **_‘ hama fama jama ’_ **

 

**bestofwives:** I hate this fucking family some days

  
  
  


\--

  
  


**_poetboy_ ** _ has created the group  _ **_‘ squad ‘_ **

 

**_poetboy_ ** _ has added  _ **_theooo, washingturntjr, devilica, alabamahammerman, will.i.amulligan, notaweasley, ananymous,_ ** _ and _ **_americas_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**poetboy:** ATTENTION EVERYONE

**notaweasley:** oh fuck here we go

**poetboy:** REMINDER THAT OUR WEEKLY GROUP DATE IS TONIGHT AT 8

**poetboy:** BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

**theooo:** you know it would be better to be square cuz then youd always be right

**notaweasley:** theo has a, how you say, good point

**will.i.amulligan:** ginny you have been speaking english your entire life you dont get the how do you say excuse

**americas:** cant be there i have better things than hanging with you losers

**americas:** also I am in england atm

**americas:** also why is alex here?? I thought we hated him???

**alabamahammerman:** first, rude

**alabamahammerman:** second, I am not even a full two years younger than Angie thank you very much

**americas:** yes but that means you are nine years younger than me

**americas:** this is for people of drinking age and over

**alabamahammerman:** the drinking age in england is 18 so ha i can legally drink there

**americas:** yes but please dont because i refuse to be in the same country as you 

**americas:** or my father but thats different

**poetboy:** i dont get why you hate him so much

**poetboy:** john is awesome

**americas:** *grandfather

**americas:** i dont really think of him as my dad but john is a riot man

**americas:** my grandad is a total homophobic asshole though

**poetboy:** yeah i know we met him once and angie was “smashing the patriarchy” by wearing “guy” clothes and he freaked cuz she wasnt wearing a dress or some shit

**devilica:** best day of my life

**theooo:** wait frances do those plans have anything to do with a certain fightin’ frenchman’s daughter

**theooo:** ;)))

**americas:** i do not know to whom you are referring theodosia

**americas:** i know of no such person

**washingturntjr:** wait ginny you and frances

**washingturntjr:** i fucking knew it

**poetboy:** alex you owe me fifty bucks

**alabamahammerman:** wtf the fuck guys now im broke

**poetboy:** you are literally 19 get a fucking job

**alabamahammerman:** im also in college?? you should know my pain bro

**jamemes:** alex if you didnt waste your money on condoms and energy drinks you could become a doctor without having any student loans

**alabamahammerman:** see i could

**alabamahammerman:** but that would mean being tired and no sex

**alabamahammerman:** and that doesnt work for me

**poetboy:** you begging us for money doesnt work for me so get a job

**devilica:** if you object again i will bring mom in here

**alabamahammerman:** but work

 

**_devilica_ ** _ has added  _ **_bestofwives_ ** _ to the chat  _ **_‘ squad ’_ **

 

**devilica:** mom tell alex to get a job

**bestofwives:** alexander hamilton jr get a job already

**bestofwives:** i’m not paying your tuition next year

**poetboy:** the mother has spoken

 

**_poetboy_ ** _ has removed  _ **_bestofwives_ ** _ from the chat  _ **_‘ squad ’_ **

 

**alabamahammerman:** okay but get this

**alabamahammerman:** where am i gonna get a job

**theooo:** i heard the library’s hiring but they don’t allow dogs inside soo…

**poetboy:** OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH

**devilica:** OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

**jamemes:** BUUUUUUUUUURRRNN

**americas:** isnt that that one song from that musical

**notaweasley:** thats literally so vague how do i know what you mean???

**americas:** you know the one

**americas:** about that dumb american dude

**americas:** and he cheated on his wife and she sang that song that is actually so powerful

**theooo:** ooooh that one that has all the memes

**alabamahammerman:** thats memerific

**jamemes:** youre memerific

 

**_jamemes_ ** _ changed  _ **_alabamahammerman_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_memerific_ **

 

**jamemes:** see

**ananymous:** wait what the fuck

**ananymous:** this is why i stay in france

 

**_ananymous_ ** _ has left the chat  _ **_‘ squad ’_ **

 

**jamemes:** rip

**washingturntjr:** wait no ana dont leave youre my favorite sister

**notaweasley:** shes not gonna buy you a car

**notaweasley:** ana has no time for basic bitches like you

**washingturntjr:** that was, how you say, completely unprecedented and unnecessary bitch now go back to sucking those wrinkly ass dicks I know you like

**theooo:** oooh shit just got real

**devilica:** what is so wrong with liking older men???

**notaweasley:** ha jokes on you I don’t like any dick

**notaweasley:** and I get more action in one night than you will ever get in your life

**americas:** its true

**washingturntjr:** i am so hurt my own sister wounds me how dare you i thought we were family

**washingturntjr:** i am the one who stood by you in that awkward as fuck emo phase

**washingturntjr:** you were such an embarrassment mom couldnt even look at you

**notaweasley:** i was emo for two days you went fuckboy for an entire year with your saggy pants and backward caps

**notaweasley:** and those bass pro shop hats??? Wtf were you thinking????

**theooo:** he wasnt

**memerific:** hey i have one of those hates

**notaweasley:** my point exactly

**will.i.amulligan:** i leave for two minutes

**will.i.amulligan:** i cant do this peace out

 

**_will.i.amulligan_ ** _ has left the group  _ **_‘ squad ’_ **

 

**devilica:** bye bitch

 

 

\--

 

 

**_poetboy_ ** _ has entered a chat with  _ **_theooo_ **

 

**poetboy:** should we tell them???

**theooo:** tell them what???

**poetboy:** that we have actually been married for a month now???

**theooo:** nah

**theooo:** the longer we can avoid the questions of “are you sure you’re not pregnant?” the better

**theooo:** which, by the way, i am not

**poetboy:** i never thought so???

**theooo:** good

**theooo:** and we’re not having kids till i’m at least 25

**poetboy:** what if accidents happen??

**theooo:** well i’m not opposed to kids right now i just think we should wait

**theooo:** because i still need my teaching degree and i am not having a kid while still in school

**poetboy:** what if i went to visit my mom at the orphanage

**poetboy:** and there was a really cute kid

**poetboy:** that may or may not have imprinted on me like a cat

**poetboy:** and a social worker may or may not have asked me if I was interested in adopting

**poetboy:** and i may or may not have said yes

**poetboy:** so we may or may not be adopting a cute little one year old

**theooo:** PHILIP HAMILTON

**theooo:** I SWEAR TO GOD

**poetboy:** _ sent the image  _ **justlookathim.jpeg**

**theooo:** ...

**theooo:** about how long is this adoption process???

**poetboy:** just need you to sign some papers and then a social worker will take a look at our house and determine if we’re a good fit and stuff

**poetboy:** but she said she has a good feeling about us

**theooo:** so we might be parents soon?

**poetboy:** yeah pretty much

**theooo:** this is gonna be so difficult to explain

**poetboy:** yeah pretty much

 


End file.
